Rachel don't need a man!

I was reminded when talking to a friend over the holidays that I haven’t had the best track record when it comes to boys.  And yes, I am 23 and still referring to my male counterparts as boys.  I simply use that term because, until I find a man who shares my values, shows maturity and provides me the respect I am seeking, I don’t think any of the ‘boys’ will be making the cut.  My mom continues to remind me, (in the presence of my dad), that men never really grow up.  She refers to my dad as her “biggest teenager”…newsflash mom, none of your children are in their teens anymore! I guess it is something to look forward to ;)

Prior to the Christmas holidays, I came to the realization that I am going to be single forever.  And I told people this with confidence!  Now, not in the sad, woe is me, sort of way. But in the ‘I am TOO amazing for anyone else’ sort of way, said in the least vain tone possible. I immediately told my best friend and cousin and she said she recently had the same thoughts. So I told her that she should move to Canada so we can co-parent our future, unborn children. It just seemed like the next logical step, you know? I know it seems a little extreme but seeing all the fish in the sea has me thinking it is a closer reality than I imagined. Cue the laughter.

I absolutely love being on my own.  “Rachel (insert anyone else single) don’t need a man”, as the saying goes in our family. I live on my own and have been single for almost a year.  I’ve never felt more confident in who I am and what I believe in.  I am an advocate for loving yourself first, so that when you do enter a relationship/partnership, you are able to complement what your partner has to give and vice versa.  We can’t rely on someone else to make us happy or feel good about ourselves.  It has to come from within.  

In my twenty-three years of life, I can admittedly say that the boys I have talked to have not reciprocated the respect I was looking for.  I am sure we all have felt let down by someone who we adored or had interest in.  Sometimes we can’t see it until we take a step back from the situation.  We have also probably witnessed our loved ones being in situations that we can’t begin to understand.  When it comes to choosing a partner, we ultimately have to determine and remind ourselves what our core values are and if they align with the person we are interested in.  I know it doesn’t sound romantic in any way possible, but it is also an important step to ensuring your complete happiness.

Since going through a breakup in February I haven’t really shown serious interest in anyone…#careergoals here people!  I have talked to a few people here and there and although nothing serious by any means (which is why I never brought this up mom and dad…and won’t be talking about it now :P), I have learned what I value in a partner.  The few people I have talked to have taught me that respect is number one.  I also realized that the people talking to me had a genuine interest in my career path and goals.  It was refreshing, considering my past relationships.   I am not looking for a relationship right now and want to focus on my career (sorry if I just crushed your dreams). I have decided that this time of my life is to enjoy my time on my own.  If I do meet someone I am interested in, that’s a bonus. If it’s meant to be, it will be.  I want someone motivated, who is excited by what excites me, who wants to hear about my amazing day, who makes me laugh, and most importantly respects and values me.

For anyone reading this, regardless if you are a young female or not, remember that when we are seeking out friendships, relationships, or partnerships, we must feel respected and valued for what we offer.  Whether it is a friendship or more, remember that the people in your life must have your best intentions in mind.   This week I am seeing a whole new perspective; I guess there is some hope that my single, co-parenting future I am forecasting might not come true after all!

Be fierce.  Be strong.  Be vibrant.

Rachel

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