The last few weeks have been tumultuous to say the least. I experienced a traumatizing flat tire on the 401 and shortly after became unexpectedly single after my almost three year relationship came to an end. After that, it just seemed a bunch of little things kept going wrong in my day that wouldn’t normally bother me, leaving me feeling more anxious than I have in probably the last ten years. Here’s to oversharing on the internet!

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t felt this low ever in my life. I’ve been more anxious (about everything) than I care to admit and have just been getting by and managing the most extreme basics of my business and life. Although I am making strides to keep moving forward, some days are still challenging. Some days I can’t even identify why I am feeling down.

I chose fitness as a career because I realized how good it makes people feel. Of course there are physical results that can come from a consistent workout schedule, but the mental & emotional benefits definitely outweigh any physical benefits in my opinion. I encourage movement for my clients’ mental health but for some reason this wasn’t clicking for me at the moment.

Now, teaching and being the leader is very different than simply working out for yourself. I definitely do more working than personal workouts, which is something I’ve wanted to improve upon for a while. So it was difficult when people encouraged me to get back to work, “because workouts will make you feel good”. Honestly, in the past few weeks there have been a few classes where I quickly pulled myself together enough to teach but didn’t think I’d be able to, merely 20 minutes before the class was scheduled to begin. My anxiety is trying to get the better of me.

After recently talking with a friend, they suggested I workout to see if that makes me feel better. They said “you’ll always feel better after some movement…you know that already though”. Funny enough, although I preach this to others and I do know it to be true, for some reason I needed to hear it from someone else. And let me tell you, I feel GOOD! I feel so strong and I remember exactly why I got into this industry. Movement is so powerful for the body and the mind.

I’ve also been working on other things to manage my anxiety and feelings and the list fo things below has really helped me.

Things beyond work I’m focusing on these days include:

-gardening

-reading

-working out

-spending time with the amazing people I have in my life

-enjoying my family cottage

-going for walks, and hopefully on my bike soon too!

-dancing and singing at the top of my lungs :)

One thing I am working on lately is perspective. I am very deeply sad about the situation. However, I am confident in myself and what I have to offer. I have wonderful family, friends, and clients that truly care about me. I have my own beautiful home that I love, I have a business that I enjoy working in, and so many other things to be thankful for. I am not trying to downplay how I feel, but I am remembering that my life is really amazing.

Thanks for all of your messages this last little while. Although I may not have responded in typical Rachel fashion, I appreciated and saw every single one of them.

Now, I wrote this blog prior to my weekend in Toronto teaching in-person again. This past weekend was exactly what I needed. To be surrounded by so many special people, to see your smiling faces, and to feel your love and support, meant everything to me. I am so grateful for this special community we are all part of. I feel like it was just the boost I needed to keep me moving forward in a positive direction. Thank you all so much.

Yours in self-discovery,

Rachel

It's okay to not be okay